Dealing with 419 Scams
…and having fun while you are at it!
Recently I received another one of those scam e-mails from some negroid telling me how they personally know of someone wealthy who died and they need to find some partner to “handle” their large sum of money, using their personal bank account, of course. Amusingly enough this particular e-mail was sent to a collection of WN webmasters, as I discovered by looking at the cc: portion of the e-mail. Here’s the full text of what I got:
I am Barrister KINGSLEY FRED and solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney
to Mr. RICK Duff , a national of your country,who used to work with Shell
Petroleum Development Company (SPDC) here in Nigeria, herein shall be refered
as my client.
On the 21st of April 2000, my client, his wife and their three children
were involved in a ghastly auto accident along Sagbama Express Road, and
fortunately, all Occupants of the vehicle lost theirlives. Since then I
have made several enquiries to your embassy to locate any of my client’s
extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name
over the Internet, to locate any member of his family or any close name
to his,henceI contacted you. I am contacting you to assist in repatrating
the money and property left behind by my client before they get confisicated
or declared Unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposits were lodged,
particularly the ACCESS BANK wherethe deceased had his account valued at
about US$13.5 million dollars. The bank has issued me a notice to provide
the next of kin or have the account confiscated within the next twentyone
official working days.
Since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the the relatives for over 2
years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the
deceased since you have the same last name so that the proceeds of this
account valued at US$13.5 million dollars can be paid to you and then you
and I can share the money according to any agreed ratio.
All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us see this deal through.
I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that
will protect you from any breach of the law.
PLEASE CALL ME ON MY PRIVATE NUMBER:234-1-475-8564 OR
IMMEDIATELY YOU READ THIS LETTER.
Barrister KINGSLEY FRED.
Fortunately they’re all dead?!? Too bad more of them aren’t? There must be something tragic or evil about Niggeria that so many well-off individuals lose their lives in plane crashes, auto accidents, sudden illnesses, etc. Either the entire nation is cursed or life is cheap there.
I must say I’ve grown rather tired of these 419 scammers and their foolish routine. One of the largest businesses in Niggeria is the 419 scam, and it brings in so much money – an estimated US$2,000,000,000 every year – that the ruling family of Niggeria even takes a cut of the ill-gotten gains. It would be nice if the US were to drop a few well-placed EMP bombs over Niggeria, thus destroying their computerized infrastructure and saving the world the hassle of dealing with these scammers. Conjecture aside, the best thing for any webmaster to do is to use IP-tables to block any and all e-mails or web connections coming from Afreaka.
Anyway, what I did this time was instead of deleting it all, I went over to Panzerfaust and I got a long list of black jokes, assembled them all together and dropped them into a single text file. Next, I went to an anonymous remailer of some sort and I pasted the entire text into the message field and sent it off to our brown friend here.
My reply is here:
What’s the difference between dog shit and niggers?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.
What’s the difference between a nigger and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn’t sing when you put chains on it.
What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?
Why don’t sharks eat niggers?
They think it’s whale shit.
What do you call a nigger in a tree with a briefcase?
How come there aren’t any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don’t work in the future, either.
Why do niggers cry during sex?
How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.
How do you get a nigger out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
What is the difference between twenty dead niggers and a 1963 Buick Skylark?
I don’t have a 1963 Buick Skylark in my garage.
What did the Alabama sheriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times?
Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
What do you get when you cross a retard with a gang banger?
Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.
Why do niggers stink?
So blind people can hate them too.
What do you get when you cross a nigger and a spic?
Someone too lazy to steal.
Why don’t niggers take aspirin?
They refuse to pick the cotton out.
What do nigger kids get for Christmas?
What’s a niggers idea of foreplay?
“Don’t scream or I’ll cut you, bitch.”
Why don’t nigger kids play in the sandbox?
Cats keep covering them up.
What do you call an apartment full of niggers?
Why are there no nigger astronauts?
Their lips explode at 50,000 feet.
How do you babysit a niglet?
Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.
How do you get him down?
Teach him to say “Motherfucker.”
How else do you babysit a niglet?
Put Velcro on the ceiling and tell him to jump.
How do you get him down?
Invite the spics over, blindfold them and tell them it’s a piñata party.
What is a nigger on a bike?
What’s long and black and smells like shit?
The welfare line.
What do you call 50 niggers at the bottom of the ocean?
What is the worst 3 years of a niggers life?
How was break dancing invented?
Niggers trying to steal hubcaps from moving cars.
Why do niggers keep chickens in their back yards?
To teach their kids how to walk.
How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
You ever try to take a rib from a nigger?
What is a nigger?
Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.
What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.
What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
“I set WHO free?”
Why are chimps always frowning?
They know in a million years they are going to turn into niggers.
A nigger and a spic jump off the Empire State Building , who hits the ground first?
A nigger and a spic jump off the Empire State Building , who hits the ground first?
The spic, because the nigger had to stop on the way down and spray paint “motherfucker” on the wall.
What do you call an Ethiopian with a pickle on his head?
How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?
All of them.
How do you start a foot race in Ethiopia ?
Roll a doughnut down the street.
How many niggers does it take to pave a driveway?
One if you spread him real thin.
What’s the difference between a nigger and a bag of shit?
What’s the most confusing day in Harlem ?
When does a Black man turn into a nigger?
As soon as he leaves the room.
What do you call a nigger with a Harvard education?
What do you call a nigger in a courtroom in a 3 piece suit?
There is a nigger and a spic in a car, who’s driving?
Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
He doesn’t know he’s black.
How long does it take a nigger bitch to take a shit?
Why don’t nigger women wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies off the chicken.
Why does Alabama have niggers and California have earthquakes?
California got first pick.
Why are niggers like sperm?
Only one in a million actually work.
What do you call Mike Tyson with no arms?
Nigger, nigger, nigger.
Why do police dogs lick their ass?
To get the taste of nigger out of their mouth.
What can a pizza do that a nigger can’t?
Feed a family of four.
Why did the nigger carry a piece of shit in his wallet?
What is red, green, yellow, orange, purple and pink?
A nigger dressed for church.
Why do niggers have flat noses?
That’s where god put his feet when he was pulling off their tails.
Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
They’re going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.
What is the difference between a white owl and a black owl?
A white owl goes, “Who, who,” a black owl goes, “Who dat? Who dat?”
Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?
It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.
What is black, white, and rolls off the end of the pier?
A nigger and a seagull fighting over a chicken wing.
What do you get when you cross a nigger with a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
Did you hear about the new Chap Stick for niggers?
It comes in a spray can.
What’s the difference between niggers and pit-bulls?
It’s still legal to own a pit-bull.
What do you say to a black man in uniform?
“I’ll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke.”
Why do niggers walk the way they do?
Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging a coat hanger.
What happened when the Ethiopian fell in the crocodile pit?
He ate six crocs before they could pull him out.
Why do niggers call white people “honkies”?
That’s the last sound they hear before the white people run them over.
How do you stop a nigger from going out?
Pour more gas on him.
Did you hear about the nigger with insomnia?
He kept waking up twice a week.
What do you do if you run over a nigger?
Why do decent white folks shop at nigger yard sales?
To get all their stuff back.
Who were the three most famous women in black history?
Aunt Jemima, Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!
Hear about the new bumper sticker that says “Run, Jesse, Run”?
You put it on the front of your car.
What do Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles have in common?
They’re both niggers.
How come Stevie Wonder & Ray Charles can’t read?
They’re both niggers.
Why do niggers wear wide-brimmed hats?
So pigeons can’t shit on their lips.
Why did so many nigger soldiers get killed in Vietnam ?
Every time someone yelled “Get down!” the niggers would jump up and start dancing.
What do you get when you cross a nigger with a Vietnamese?
Nothing. There are some things even a Vietnamese won’t do.
What’s black and tan and looks good on a nigger?
A Doberman Pinscher.
What’s the fastest animal in the world?
The Ethiopian chicken.
Did you hear about Evel Knieval’s new motorcycle stunt?
He’s going to ride through Ethiopia with a sandwich tied to his back.
Did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval?
He tried to jump 50 niggers with a steam roller.
Why was golf invented?
So white people get a chance to dress like niggers.
What do you do if you see a nigger with half a head?
Stop laughing and reload.
Why did god create orgasms?
So niggers know when to stop.
Why did god give niggers rhythm?
Because he fucked up their hair, nose and lips.
Why are so many niggers moving to Detroit ?
They heard there were no jobs there.
Why can’t nigger women become nuns?
Because they can’t get used to saying “superior” after “Mother.”
How do you fit 15 niggers in the back of a Cadillac?
Don’t worry, they’ll figure it out.
What’s yellow and black and makes you laugh?
A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.
How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
What’s blue and hangs in my front yard?
My nigger; I can paint him whatever color I want.
Why do seagulls have wings?
To beat the niggers to the dump.
What’s a crying shame?
When a bus full of niggers drives off a cliff and there were 3 empty seats.
What do you call an Ethiopian with a feather up his ass?
What does N.A.A.C.P. stand for?
Niggers Are Always Causing Problems.
What do a nigger and an apple have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
Why are niggers always buried 12 feet deep?
Deep down they’re good people.
What’s the difference between a porch monkey and a yard ape?
The length of the chain.
What’s black, orange, and very pretty?
A nigger on fire.
What do you have if you’ve got a nigger up to his neck in cement?
Not enough cement.
How do you starve a nigger?
Hide his welfare check under his work boots.
How do you get 12 niggers in a Volkswagen?
Throw in a welfare check.
How do you get them out?
Throw in a job application.
Why are there trees in Harlem ?
How does a black woman fight crime?
She has an abortion.
What do you say when you see your T.V. floating around at night?
“Drop it nigger.”
What happened when the nigger looked up his family tree?
A gorilla shit on his face.
Why don’t niggers like blowjobs?
They don’t like any jobs.
What do you call a nigger priest?
Why do niggers always have sex on their mind?
Because they’ve got pubic hair on their head!
Why do niggers put their garbage out in clear plastic bags?
So Mexicans can window shop.
What are three things you can’t give a nigger?
A black eye, a fat lip and an education.
What do niggers use to wash their white clothes?
What did the nigger say when he slid down the zebra?
Now you see me, now you don’t, now you see me, now you don’t.
What is the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?
A pair of jeans only has one fly on it.
What word starts with “N” and ends with “R” that you never want to call a black person?
What do you call two Ethiopians in a gold sleeping bag?
Why is a Spic like a Skunk?
Because they’re half black and half white, and smell like shit.
What’s the difference between a nigger and a letter?
You can send a letter back to where it came from.
What’s the difference between the holy grail and a nigger’s daddy?
You may find the grail.
What is black, runny, and scratches on glass?
A nigger in a microwave.
How does the navy use niggers?
They debone them and use them as wetsuits.
What does Pontiac stand for?
Poor Old Niggers Think Its A Cadillac.
Do you remember the nigger family on the Jetsons? No?
The future looks pretty good!
Did you hear about the nigger that thought he was bleeding to death?
Turns out he just had diarrhea.
Why don’t you run over a nigger on a bike?
Its probably your bike.
What do you call 50 niggers buried up to their necks in dirt?
Why do niggers drive with their windows up?
They think the smell is coming from outside.
Why do niggers eat tootsie rolls with a fork?
So they don’t bite their fingers.
What do you call two nigger cops on motorcycles?
Why don’t niggers celebrate Thanksgiving?
KFC isn’t open on holidays.
Why do niggers like basket ball?
It involves running, shooting and stealing.
What has four legs and a black arm?
A happy pitbull.
How do you know if a nigger is well hung?
If you can’t fit your finger between his neck and the noose.
How many nigger college students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets 6 credits for it.
What do you call a nigger drinking out of the toilet?
Pushing his luck.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.
Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?
He heard boys’ pants were half-off.
Who does Michael Jackson consider to be a Perfect “10″?
Two 5 year olds.
Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
He thought it was a delivery service.
After his wife had a baby, Michael Jackson asked the doctor when it would be OK to have sex again.
The doctor told him he should wait until the kid was at least 12 or 13 years old.
What do you call 10 niggers in a steam room?
Gorillas In The Mist.
What do you throw a drowning nigger?
The rest of his family.
Why did so few niggers vote for Jesse Jackson?
He promised them jobs.
Did you hear about the nigger who had a heart attack on Halloween?
Somebody came dressed as a job.
What do you call a French nigger?
How is a nigger like a broken gun?
It doesn’t work and you can’t fire it.
What do you call 5 niggers hanging from a tree?
A Mississippi wind chime.
Why did the nigger cross the road?
Who the fuck cares why is he out of the cotton field?
What do you call a white man surrounded by 100 niggers?
Do you know why flies have wings?
So they can get away from the niggers.
What’s the difference between a pothole and a nigger?
You’d swerve to avoid a pothole, wouldn’t you?
Why don’t niggers stick their heads out of moving vehicles?
Their lips catching the wind will beat them to death.
What do you call a nigger hitchhiker?
What do you call a nigger after his white girlfriend breaks up with him?
What’s the difference between nigger pussy and a bowling ball?
You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.
How do you get a nigger to commit suicide?
Toss a bucket of fried chicken into traffic.
What do you call a nigger with an IQ of 15?
What’s the difference between a truckload of watermelons and a truckload of nigger babies?
You can’t unload watermelons with a pitchfork!
What’s black and red, wears high top Reeboks and cant go through a revolving door?
A nigger with a spear through his head.
What qualifies as good behavior in a ghetto school?
Raising your hand before you pop a cap in the teacher.
What is a nigger’s favorite anti-perspirant?
Hear about the black version of “Shogun”?
It’s called “Shonuff.”
Did you hear about the nigger and the Mexican who opened a restaurant?
It’s called Nacho Mama.
What do you call a black-midget in Ireland ?
What’s the first thing taught in a ghetto driving school?
How to unlock a car with a coat hanger.
Hear about the new perfume for nigger women?
It’s called “Eau de doo dah day.”
What is white and has a black asshole?
The Washington D.C. Mayor’s office.
Why were wheelbarrows invented?
To teach niggers to walk on their hind legs.
What do you call a nigger with a regular job, who doesn’t drive a lowrider, sleeps in the same bed every night, doesn’t collect welfare, and doesn’t rape White women?
When is the only time you smile and wink at a nigger?
When you are looking through the scope on your rifle.
What do you call a nigger having sex?
Why don’t niggers have check books?
They find it too hard to sign their names in spray paint.
How can an Ethiopian woman tell when she’s pregnant?
When she pulls out her tampon and it’s half eaten.
They waste my time and bandwidth, so I will waste theirs. If more WN’s who get these scams do this, it will suck up bandwidth on the part of the scammers and cut down on the time they can get from actually ripping people off. Thus I encourage every WN who gets a 419 to do this. It’s quick, easy and fun.
(People who copy and paste the response may need to insert an extra carriage return between each paragraph so it doesn’t all “bunch up” on the screen.)
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